When Life Gives You Daisies
I don’t speak French fluently, but I do know now that ‘Marguerite’ means Daisy.
A most beautiful bloom, Andrea Marguerite Tracy Sykes Foote.
Host extraordinaire, accomplished attorney, equestrian dabbler, mint chocolate chip ice cream enthusiast, devoted wife, and loving mother.
We all know what we’re supposed to do when life gives you lemons.
But what about when life gives you daisies?
Leslie Marguerite Foote Grajewski, at just nine years old, lost her radiant mom Andrea to a fierce fight with breast cancer. As I write this I still somehow feel that- for an impossibly profound loss at an impossibly tender age- it would be impossible not to let the pain of losing your mother define you. For Leslie- it has inspired the way she loves. It created a daisy-shaped space in her life that she fills with memories of her mom and her legacy: deep love and pure joy. Her mother embodied a “joie de vivre” that even after loss, will forever be alive.
When life gave her daisies? She made daisies. She is daisies. Daisies are symbolic of “joie de vivre”. Of Joy. Even if her middle name meaning daisy is happenstance, a daisy has become her sign. A reminder of her beautiful love, her uplifting joy. Although we cannot see her, we feel her. On the petals of every daisy sprouting up through the soil, in every frango mint we taste, in every Sun Valley slope we ski. And in the way Leslie’s firstborn daughter Daisy’s golden hair twists and curves just slightly around her cheeks In the very same side parted way as her grandmother Andrea’s. Although Daisy won’t meet her namesake on earth, she will always know her. Her love is deep and grounding but it’s also light, fluttering. A full spectrum kind of woman whose love emboldens you and whose jokes tickle you and whose creative birth announcements from 37 years ago make you slow clap in absolute awe.
On Leslie’s wedding day to her adoring husband Ian, her sister Suzanne effortlessly brought everyone to hysterical laughter and wholehearted tears. Weaving through a brilliantly architected toast monument of wit and memories, she touched on the loss of their mom and the single truth that her light still shines. In words that echoed throughout the wedding tent: “Mom is alive.”
When I heard her say these words, thanks to a CD popped into an old computer that Leslie dug out for its trusty disc drive… I felt the aperture narrow around the purpose of what I wanted to write here. Aliveness. Even after loss. “Mom is alive.” Suzanne reminded everyone- “her spirit of adventure, her zest for life, her humor, intelligence, warmth- Mom is alive in all of us.” As we ejected the disc from the hard-working laptop, Leslie told me that she felt her mom, especially in Suzanne’s unique ability to stand in front of hundreds of people delivering an epic toast full of laughter and tears. The truest and realest. And the way her sister Tracy’s loyalty and protectiveness wraps up anyone she loves in comfort. The way she can drink up the pages of a book to quench her incredible intelligence. The way she perfumes goodness. Just like her mom. That was her. Andrea, Mom, is all around us. She is us.
Alive she will stay. By honoring her. By sharing her. By continuing to know her, to introduce her, to meet her.
Although Suzanne, Leslie, and Tracy will always be connected to their mother, they knew they wanted to find a way to share her with others who had not yet met her, especially her grandbabies- Daisy, Mary Jane, Siggy, Josephine, Peter and some “these little piggies” we have yet to meet. To introduce them to the little things about her, knowing they are the big things.
So these three beautiful collaborating sisters, became Chair(wo)men of the Board (book). Together, creating a board book to introduce Grandmother Andrea to her grandkids.
They linked inspiration with information infused with the essence of their mother. The beautiful peach cover, Andrea’s favorite color, is the entrance to pages full of life. Her vast accomplishments, favorite things, meaningful moments, treasured holidays, significant milestones, and places special to her heart, like Montana, which she called “the last piece of heaven on earth.” From here on earth to heaven above, I hope the view of your legacy is beautiful.
There are love letters.
There are footnotes.
And there are Footenotes.
Let me explain.
Andrea Foote wrote her three young daughters each a letter to read after she passed away. Her words to them fill their hearts today and remind them how transcendent her love is. It is forever painful that she is not here, no doubt. But by sharing her life, comfort and connection to her lives on. It doesn’t take the pain away, but there is something to do with all the love.
Suzanne was right. Their mother is alive in each of them. And something about, even through pain, exudes innate peace.
On this board book, with their words and in their way- this is their love letter back to her.
Footenotes forever.
-B Jelinek
